I wish you were a stranger I could disengage

If I’m honest, really gut-wrenching honest, I would say, in the most humanely way possible, I like you too.

But I choose to lie.

This is beautiful

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction.

-Jason Mraz, Life is Wonderful-

Larger than life.

I have failed to see your flaws that were screaming in my face. My bad.

Don't be sorry. Cause I am not.

Perhaps the ans is in the qn. No?

Same reason why you do not question the need to be owned.

On a scale of one to God-dammit! toothache is 11.

My work avoidance strategy for the next 3 days or so was to purchase catch-22 and re-read them backwards. Ok, maybe not backwards but re-read them aloud to my toes. Yossarian better make this worthwhile again. I foresee crazy stockpiling of strepsils and lozenges. And I’m only at preface.

On another note, the throbbing pain on my gums give me the urge to slit my wrist with a spoon, scoop out my veins and slurp it down like I would pasta. Sadist, I am. It.hurts.that.bad. (For all the times I overindulge in sweets and it’s-too-late-at-night-and-too-tired-to-brush-my-teeth excuses, I’m paying for it now.)

The only anesthetically effect I get these days is the fact that I don’t see you as often as I did. It’s the little things as such that makes life worth living all over again.

Truth is, everyone has the right to bleed. Including me.

A mouthful.

I want you to want me when I don't need you.

No really. Try harder.

This is going to be a fabulous month. If not, year. Just yesterday I've realized how much I love my job. It's mutual.

In the course of duty, I've been screamed, shouted and abused to a point that when all is well (Read: Not a single soul stretching his/her vocal chords on me), I get withdrawal symptoms.

For bestowing me the ability to be indifferent even to the nastiest fucktard, I worship my job.

(I'm not a very good liar, am I)

Again.

Sometimes I break, just so I could mend.

Let's!

Let's see what 2 years and a half, a new career and a less-functioning brain could do to a quiz I did in 2004.

I-have-too-much-time-on-my-hands-quiz Ver 2007

1. Sex: It’s over rated

2. Location now : Home. (Where the heart is)
3. Do you wish on stars?: Yes, when all else fails.
4. Which finger is your favorite?: Still the index. Or when there’s a need, the middle.

5. When did you last cry?: Just. I was tweezing my eyebrows.
6. Do you like your handwriting?: I'm undecided.
7. What is your favorite lunch meat?: Roasted annoying boss on platter with dressing on the side.
8. Any bad habits?: Firing uproars of hysterics on my dolls. And neighbors sometimes. (They love me still.)
9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?: None. I love it all.
10. Are you a daredevil?: You wouldn’t wanna know

11. Told a secret you swore not to?: Neverrrr. I write it for everyone else to read instead.

12. Do looks matter?: yes. Have you ever seen a cow on Gucci's runway? No? Exactly.
13. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: Just. The word ‘Cow’. People have every right to be ugly.
14. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: In this day and age, I can believe anything.
15. Do fish have feelings?: I don't want to know this. I eat fish.
16. Are you trendy?: I’m indifferent.
17. How do you release anger?: Watering my neighbor’s plant with Snapple.
18. Where are your second homes?: Under my bed.
19. Do you trust others easily?: Not even myself. But just last week, my 10 years old niece told me that a frog spoke to her during class. I totally believed that. (Cause her teacher resembles one)
20. What was your favorite toy as a child?: Matches, candles and flame. (I STILL am a hazard.)
21.What class in school do you think is totally useless?: Chemistry
22. Have you ever been on radio or television?: only in my head.
23. Do you have a journal?: Is this one?
24. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Not a lot. Just all the time.
25 Have you ever been in a mosh pit?: nope
26. What do you look for in a guy/girl?: an eye bat
27. Your nickname?: The gorgeous one
28. Would you bungee?: I did.
29. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: No. I have a throng of hot blue-eyed Brits taking my laces off for me.
30. What are you worried about right now?: The extra flabs on my arse. My pending results.
31. Do you ever wear a g-string?: Do you really wanna know?
32. Do you think that you are strong?: I carry my weight. Everyday.
33. What's your favorite color?: Red
34. What is your least fav. thing in the world?: Misplaced ego.
35. How many wisdom teeth do you have?: Plenty. Sprouting from my pretty ass.
36. Are you in love w/ anyone?: Perhaps.
37. How many people have a crush on you right now?: The last I heard, a truckload.
38. How many people do you have a crush on right now?: The last I checked, none. (Or maybe just one)
39. Who do you miss most right now?: The departed ones.

As requested.

Things I can never have enough of: (Not in order of importance)

Books
Body lotion
Bags
Shampoo
Apples
Toothpaste
Potpourris
Frames
Perfumes
Body Spray
Tee shirts
Shoes
Music
Laughter
Conversations
Tears
Oxygen
Socks
Storage space in my Ipod
Butter
Pens and Pencils
Red ‘anything’

.

.

.

(To be continued when I care to add more)

Ps: I can never quite grasp the blogging culture. Hence, in a bid to blend in with the rest of the world, I'll begin to include pictures of the company I was with, the food I ate, the contents in my handbag (my, that would've been embarrassing) and a naked me with a blue-eyed Brit on bed.

I'm kidding. I don't carry a handbag.

Now where was I?

I intend to shut off my mind for the entire day today and make do with just my toes to think. But then again, I have a thesis pending completion, a 10 hours night shift and an empty stomach to fill.

By default, I am a productive person. Who else you knew could, despite having less then 8 hours of sleep in a Week, spend an hour thinking of life's mysteries. Like why Days of Our Lives is not being shown on the telly anymore (atleast not on my side of the Earth). Ok shoot me. Google could've answered my questions.

Back to the point.... err... what's my point again?

Find comfort in pain; All pleasure's the same.

-James Blunt, Tears and Rain-

For no reason other than I-know-better, I've been civil and playing it down. Don't push it.

Bra-burning feminist

If being born with a penis gives one the ultimate birthright to be a jerk, then dear God, in my next life I want one of those too. Granted, in many proven occasions you do not need a dick to enchant somebody so greatly that he/she gives up his/her 10 years habit of teeth grinding and then you promptly leaves him/her when you just think its time (one of the important criteria in being a jerk). Having a trunk (or a stick, whatever the size) hanging in between your legs can make you do all that and so much more sans guilt!

I envy the Martians. I really do.

I seek manna from the One above

Months ago, I would've traded in my firstborn for an afternoon of leisure. Sans boss, deadlines and any other human contact. But since I was never a mother to begin with and I really would like to think that I am indispensable at work, becoming a public-summoned slave became second nature to me. (1st nature is to be a brute. That, I've mastered.)

Fast forward many days later when I found myself at home on my off day with just about nothing to do and no one to talk to. I hungered for the laughter of my best friends, the touch of my mum and the warmth of a hug from one who matters. All of whom I've turned my back on once too many times.

If there's anything to regret, then this is it.

I don't even feel the distance

Perhaps for all the wrong reasons and reasons I can never fathom, I’ve loved. Nothing dramatic ensues. It was, by any degree, a predictable ending. Short of a bruised ego and a shattered esteem, I must say that I am a lot more complete than I’ve ever been before. Not quite nirvana, but close.

100 days of wasted time, I attempt redemption by seeking respite from the omniscient one. But since the once-desired is still hair’s breadth away, I’ll trade my bullets for a voodoo doll.

‘Cause what other diplomatic ways are there to say goodbye?