Sullied, I am not.

There are sad bastards roaming this Earth whose primary purpose of living is to make other’s existence a nature’s joke. I encountered one of such yesterday. This brings me back to the time when I first don the uniform, close to 3 years ago. I drew a line that separates my emotions and logic. It was a line that saved me thousands of chances for uproars of hysterics and kept me sane. Practically, it saved me a lot of trouble too.

That is, if I learn to be a silent, suffering punching bag and still be able to smile at the fist that punches me.

But last night, while on duty, this veneer cracked. Though I do not regret a single verbal dagger I’ve treacherously thrown to your face, you stupid cow, I am penitent that I’ve crossed the boundary I painstakingly position and upkeep for the entire length of my career. Up till last night, I never knew what it was like to want something so bad that the entire body begins to shiver, knuckles turned white and an overwhelming feeling of acute revulsion for a fellow human being I never knew being as close to me like a 2nd breath I rather not take and suffocate. I want you and your likes dead, you sick, pathetic, degraded scum.

At this point, I am not okay.

But I will be.